A couple of months ago I attended a facilitator festival and in one workshop the host urged us to embrace silence. Imagine 30 people in a video call, no one saying anything, just silence. It caught us unprepared. The only one enjoying the tension was the host.
Conversations in western cultures are characterised by volume. There is a subliminal urge to fill silent moments with words. We’re expected to keep talking and it causes tension if done otherwise. The awkwardness of silence is to be avoided.
Embracing Moments of Quiet
In Japanese culture there is a different notion to this. A concept that lies at the core of the culture is called the “Ma”. It has been described as a pause in time, an interval or emptiness in space. It is understood as the fundamental time and space which individuals and groups need to grow.
An everyday example of Ma can be seen in the respectful Japanese bow. People might make a deliberate pause at the end of a bow before they come back up.
In communications lies another example. Taking a silent pause to feel and understand what was said is considered highly intelligent and sophisticated.
Incorporating this concept into conversations brings multiple benefits:
Time to process what’s being said
Space for someone more reserved to speak their thoughts
Room for follow up thoughts on what was said
Words and decisions are carefully thought out, never rushed
Silence can help strengthen the ties between the people involved. For me a good conversation isn’t a flat line but rather a dance between the surface and deep waters.
What ever conversation, intentional empty space is something to be considered. As a host I like to make space for thought and processing part of the time together.